Day Momo (Des Moments) August 1st-15th
Central park. I look at the people. I wonder. What are their fears? Do they have problems like me? Do they worry about the future? Do they hold grudges? Are they stressed? I lie down on the grass, feel the sun on my face. I don’t have the answer.
I’m not here for answers. I only have my experience.
In day 28, I shared all of my ugly, stomach turning fears that hold me back.
My fear never goes away.
In day 29, I shared my best investment I ever made to deal with fear – investing in uncertainty.
There’s one practice that helps my fear, and allows me to embrace uncertainty. I don’t do this practice enough, but when I do, it’s freedom.
Forgiveness.
I forgive myself. I forgive my past. I forgive the stupid mistakes I made that come with investing in uncertainty. I forgive myself of leaving 2 exceptional jobs, of opportunities I squandered. I forgive myself of going broke while starting a business I wasn’t ready for.
I forgive myself of the reckless, irresponsible lifestyle I had with money. The excessive partying and drinking I did that could have risked my life, and the life of others.
Time and the past are burdens. They are chains that hold me down. Like Marty McFly said in Back To The Future, “This is heavy Doc!” The past is a heavy burden when I don’t forgive.
So I forgive. I try to let go, move on. I no longer beat myself up. I’m lighter. Life feels better when it’s lighter. This allows for real change and growth.
I forgive others.
No more grudges. When I forgive, I no longer keep score. My score, or other people’s. I no longer keep a record of wrongs. I have a big bucket full of my wrongs. I carry that bucket sometimes. I don’t like carrying it. I have enough to carry.
I’m forever grateful for all those who have forgiven me.
I’m reminded of the cosmic two-way street. I forgive myself. I forgive others. I’m forgiven.
The same process occurs in all areas of life. Give, and you receive. Love, and love returns. Blame, complain, be bitter; keep getting bad luck, hard times, and bad customer service.
I truly experience life as a mirror. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s not so good. I know it’s MY mirror. The outside reflects back my internal talk, my gut feelings, my attitude, my level of consciousness. My actions. My forgiveness. I’m responsible.
Jesus said it best:
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.” – Luke 6:37-38
I forgive my Dad.
He was an alcoholic and drug addict. He died when I was 18. He left my Mom, my sister, and I behind when I was 12. When he was there, he was an awesome Dad. But he couldn’t be there. He was sick.
Forgiving him was the first step to realize his love for me. To love him in return. To learn from his mistakes with an open mind.
Forgiveness allows me to be vulnerable. I’m no longer defensive. When I am vulnerable, I become invulnerable.
Forgiveness wakes me up. It keeps things simple.
I see the world differently. I see the world as it naturally is; a beautiful, abundant world, with little miracles all around me.
I like this view better than my small minded view; a complicated, judgmental and begrudging world. I don’t like that view. I see that sometimes when I don’t practice forgiveness.
The Buddha said, “To understand everything is to forgive everything.”
I don’t forgive everything, and I don’t forgive everyday. Maybe that’s why I don’t understand things at times. But I understand this:
My forgiveness sets me free.
I will work towards forgiveness everyday.
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Indeed forgiveness is freedoms. I felt it deep inside when I forgive the person killed my dad. It took 19 years for me to forgive him. I dunno where is he now. But I do not mind anymore. Because there is no more hatred about him. After I saw big changes inside and I feel much more lighter and free. World will be beautiful place if we can do it always and about everyone.
Elmira for you to forgive in an experience like that takes courage, love, and true power. As you said, when you did forgive, you saw big changes inside, and became free. Another way to say forgive, is to say let go. You did that, and now you are living a beautiful life in a beautiful world!!