30 Days in New York - Day 8: Dealing With Gap Insanity In The City

Closing deals. Being a badass. In my early 20’s I would think about being this big shot real estate investor. I would look up at the tall buildings of New York City. I would think about owning one.

After college, I worked for a real estate investment company. I had big goals. Ambitious ideas. I wanted to own real estate. I wanted to flip properties. I wanted to start my own real estate investment company.

I wanted to prove to people I could do it. I wanted the recognition. To tell people, I’m an investor. I own real estate.

I was in a terrible rush. I had no patience. I was young and excited. I wanted results and other’s approval as fast as possible.

What actually happened?

I made amazing friends and relationships throughout my real estate career. But business wise, I failed miserably.

I made bad investments. I bought houses on emotion. Not with practical business sense. One property worked out great. The others, not so much.

I decided to leave a great company that put me on the TV Show, “Flip This House.” A company that would move to San Diego 6 months later and become uber successful and profitable.

Instead, I decided to move to South Florida at 24 to start my own company. I failed again in real estate. Within 10 months in Florida, I closed only one small real estate transaction for $3,000. I worked 4 days a week as a barback. I scrapped by. I was dead broke. My character and spirit broke too. I wasn’t where I envisioned to be. I was frustrated, embarrassed, and ashamed.

I fell deep down in the gap. The canyon of gap insanity.

What is gap insanity?

Gap insanity is the gap between points A and B. Point A is where you are. Point B is where you would like to be. Point B is an ideal lifestyle, a goal, an achievement, or a state of being or living. When you are unhappy, frustrated, or drained because you are not at point B, you are suffering from gap insanity.

For the majority of my 20’s I was in a constant state of gap insanity. Whether things were going good, or going shitty (like failing my own real estate business), I was never happy where I was. Or the happiness was short lived. I was always frustrated, to some varying degree.

I walk through New York today with a different mindset from my 20’s. I’ve been working on this. I’ve been trying to slow down. I try to appreciate each day. To be grateful.

I was a wannabe investor searching. Searching for external success through status and recognition. Now I’m a minimalist backpacker. A traveler and blogger, who is interested in learning more about life. More importantly, I’m trying to maintain inner peace and let go of stress everyday.

Yet, today I still struggle with gap insanity.

It’s funny. As I sat down to write today, I thought, “I need to get this blog done soon. I’ve got other things I need to do.” I stopped and laughed. I felt gap insanity about the unfinished writing piece on gap insanity.

I walk by someone wearing a custom tailored suit. I see a sharp watch. I think to myself, it would be nice to look like that, or to have those things. I see best selling books on the front table of the bookstore. “I want to write a book just like that. I want to be a best seller.”

It’s all gap insanity. It’s wanting to be in a future place. It’s a slight or strong agitation for not being there, or not having that.

I need a constant reminder to not fall too deep in the gap. I miss out on life when I’m caught in the gap.

So I stop. I slow down. I take a deep breath. I remember how grateful I am for my life. For the things I do have. I try to peacefully accept the exact place and point of my life I am in.

The last 2 years at my job, I started to think less about the gap insanity. I thought more about my wellbeing and inner peace. I started to simplify. I removed myself from stressful situations. I started to let go of impressing others for approval.

The ironic thing is. My income actually increased.

Are we rushing to get to point B? Am I sacrificing the present moment to arrive at some imaginary future destination? What are you missing right now? What beauty in life are we not seeing because of gap insanity?

When we ask ourselves these questions. We make progress. Real life present moment progress. This this the kind progress that actually gets us to point B.

Point B isn’t going anywhere. She’ll be there, waiting for us.