Day Momo (Des Moments) August 1st-15th
Meet Bobby Morganti. He’s going to take you for a ride with his story.
He was my college roommate for 3 years and very good friend over the last 14 years. He was the first friend I met in the my dorm.
He helped me set up my cable TV. That entailed the complex act of screwing in the chord. Yes, I’m not a handiest individual per se. So I thank him for that freshmen moment. He also does one hell of a Robert De Niro and Jay Leno impression. One of the funniest guys I know.
I met Bobby in New York on 34th St near Madison Square Garden for lunch. We haven’t spoke in almost a year. It was a conversation long awaited. An important one.
2 years ago Bobby, and his wife Meaghan were expecting their second son. Five months in, something went wrong. The doctors said the baby’s head wasn’t developing properly. The skull was not forming.
Chances of survival for the baby were impossible. Continuing the pregnancy could cause complications and endanger Meaghan’s health. The only choice they had was a forced miscarriage.
It was a very sad time for both. On top of that, Bobby’s father was in a major train accident that nearly took his life. Bobby was also in a career change, leaving his company of 7 years.
Bobby and Meaghan had too look deep within. They realized these events were meant to be in some strange way. It was nature saying the timing was not right. It would not be healthy for Meaghan. They took comfort and faith in the fact their unborn son was to remain in spirit. In spirit with Bobby and Meaghan.
Nature then brought wonderful news a year later. Bobby and Meaghan were expecting again. Another son. This time, no complications. Kellan Morganti was born, healthy and vibrant in August.
However, in the middle of Meaghan’s pregnancy, another challenge came roaring into their lives. Bobby was diagnosed with cancer. A two centimeter malignant tumor had formed in his lung.
It had to be removed immediately. The risk of the tumor growing, or spreading into other cells was high. Surgery was required, and this itself was another major risk.
Doctors told Bobby there’s a chance of surgery going wrong. There would be the possibility of losing half of his lung in order to remove the tumor.
Meaghan was 5 months pregnant, after dealing with a miscarriage the year before. Bobby was dealing with cancer and major surgery. Highs and lows, and uncertainty. This was Bobby and Meaghan’s life over the last 12 months.
Panic and stress consumed and burdened Bobby’s life.
I asked Bobby what this was like. How did he deal with it before the surgery?
One of his friends described panic as a feeling when our survival threatened or gravely unknown. How did Bobby handled this panic?
He said, “I had no choice, but to come to terms with reality. I had to accept the facts, then take action. I can only control what I could control.”
He did this with intention and grace. He realized that there was nothing he could do or think to change the facts.
He added, “When you fully accept something you can at least create a clear head about the situation. It’s easer said than done. The fear doesn’t go away. But when you accept, you fight less with your mind. Fighting the facts in your mind is a battle you can’t win. It will just lead to more stress and panic.”
So with that acceptance and a clear head, he had to find the right doctor. He had to have surgery ASAP. He had decisions to make quickly.
He also had a pregnant wife at home. She was doing her best to stay healthy both physically and mentally. Physically for her pregnancy, and mentally for her husband.
He made his decisions. He chose his doctor. He took action. It was time for the surgery. He went under the knife, without any guarantees.
He woke up from the anesthesia. He asked the doctor 2 things.
Did you get the tumor?
Yes.
Is my lung still there?
Yes.
Exhale.
The surgery was perfect. Bobby is cancer free, and has been the last 6 months. Meaghan gave birth to their second child, Kellan. A beautiful baby boy.
So I asked Bobby what he learned in his life moving forward? 2 Things.
The first thing he said was he’s found a deeper sense of gratitude. He’s always been grateful, but now it intensified. What’s most dear to Bobby’s life? His family. His wife Meaghan. His son Brooks. His son Kellan.
His gratitude and love for them is more abundant and stronger now. His love and gratitude is also focused in his mind and expressed more frequently.
A good reminder for all of us. We forget this when things are going “normal.”
The second thing he learned comes back to dealing with panic and stress. As mentioned, real panic is caused by the uncertainty of one’s survival.
Bobby realized his survival was uncertain. He admitted to me, his panic level on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, was a big fat 10.
Before his illness he was putting things that were NOT life threatening high on the panic scale. Specifically, pressure at work. He was putting work challenges on the panic/stress scale at an 8 or 9.
Now that’s laughable to Bobby. Work should have been a 2 or 3 on the stress/panic scale. We both dug into this a little deeper. We discussed the pressures, stress, and expectations involved with getting results. The cost it takes for some to provide and work for yourself or your family.
Bobby said, “It’s not worth it to stress over work. It’s not life threatening. Too many people stress over the insignificant. Over the bullshit.”
What’s important to Bobby is providing for his family. He understands he needs to add value to his company. To produce and drive results that will benefit his company. This will earn his compensation. But the key is not to let the work and results drive the person.
Sometimes results and pressure can drive a person too far. All the way to frustration, anger, stress, and sometimes poor health. Bobby has fully recognized this now. He’s done playing that game.
He no longer compares himself to other coworkers, or competing in an unhealthy way. Bobby is now competing with only himself. He knows that if he does the best job he can, the results will be there. He’ll be able to provide enough for his family, and a whole lot more. The added pressure, the added baggage is not needed any more. He dropped all it.
I told Bobby he’s become a career minimalist. Not in the sense of lacking work ethic. Rather in the sense of dropping the all the bullshit that comes along with work or competing. It’s simplifying things. It’s removing all the corporate, and political baggage.
His panic level at work now never exceeds a 3. It usually remains a 1 or 2.
Bobby and Meaghan are stronger today. Bobby’s content. He’s grateful. He’s stress free. He’s healthy. So is Meaghan. So is their baby boy Kellan.
Thank you Bobby, for being a true friend. You’ve given me a lesson in New York City I will never forget.
P.S. This lesson was worth a lot more than setting up my cable TV freshman year… But I remember and appreciate that one too.
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